I have been away too long!

So many things have changed in my life since I have started this blog. I lost a relationship that meant everything to me, I have experienced a move, and have had my world turned mildly upside down. Let me start at the relationship.. When I say I lost I don't mean it in the sense that you lose your keys, I mean that it died. I had been in a relationship for almost four years engaged and had a child in this relationship and was planning on spending my life with this person. They had other ideas. The relationship never started out on the right foundation but it felt right. The sex was amazing and that is a hard one to stray from.. it is harder to find then one would think. Aside there was lost of infidelity on the others part and I had then built up lots of hurt, anger, and resentment. That led to some knock down fights and in turn made others around constantly question what the two of us were doing. I don't think we really knew.

This all ended about week ago, when I was told that he loves me just not the same way I love him. I have never in my life been rejected. The fall out from this has been so dramatic, I cried myself to sleep the first few nights, I screamed, I yelled, I threw things, I didn't eat, I lost my mind for a few days. I never in my life had come into contact with someone who seemed to be utterly heartless, he had cheated on me throughout our entire relationship, lied to me, told me he was better and that he loved me. None of which seem to be true. He unfortunatly is an extremely broken person with a lot of issues. He is nearing 40 and still has not delt with issues that have impacted his entire life. I wanted so much to be the person that could make him a better person and see the error in his ways. I know that a part of him has changed for the better because he got a glimpse of try unfaultering love in me. Love like that is like lightining in a bottle, it is very hard to capture and even harder to keep.

I am still trying to get adjusted to my new life, no more holidays together, no more random calls, no more laughs, this list could go on for days, but it won't because this chapter has closed for now. It is time to move on and progress through this change and try to make the best with what the situation is and that is my life. I pray every night that the hurt will lessen everyday and my heart will heal, I pray that if this is supposed to work out that it is in God's hands and he always has the best for us. So as I move forward I try and keep my head up and pray for a better tomorrow!